Button Button, Who's Got the Button?

Dear Julie,

Apparently I'VE got the button. Three, to be exact. Yesterday, whilst doing mounds & mounds of laundry, 3 tan buttons of unknown origin appeared in the dryer. This concerns me. But at least all the socks are present & accounted for.

Fresh & clean,
Karen

LOL, for reals

Dear Karen-

I really cannot top that last picture you shared. Yet another priceless example of why I need a camera phone. However, viewing that picture was actually a case of LOL. I really, truly was LOL!

While you've been off in such exotic places as Chicago and Kankakee, I've been trapped in the house, going through more stuff than anyone should ever have in their 1250 square-foot house and full basement. At one point last week there were 16 bags of trash in my kitchen. Sixteen. I really think that's about 15.5 bags of trash too many in one's kitchen. Thankfully, they have since been hauled off to the dump. Sadly, there will soon be another load that will need to go to the dump. That's the trouble with automated trash trucks...we can't put out extra bags. It all has to fit in the trashcan.

I'm pretty much finished with the upstairs, so that's a relief. We had the Salvation Army take away our entertainment center. As you know, it was nothing special - and since our new TV has dvd/vcr built in, there's no need to keep those players. Instead, our TV now sits on a very lovely mission-style table that we found at Target. We even got the matching end table to replace the old glass-topped table we had. Over the weekend, I pressure-washed the house while Greg worked on removing the stump of the huge crepe myrtle that was in the front yard. It's a pity you probably won't see this house again - you'd hardly recognize it now.

Today I need to make yet another run to Goodwill but I'm not sure I can summon the energy to load everything into the car. Goodwill will still be there tomorrow, right?

Love,
Your tired sister

Toilet Truck

Hey, Julie --

Remember that post where you said you wished you had a camera phone so you could have taken a picture of the people hauling junk for Jesus? That reminded me of a picture a friend sent me recently. See why?!

Love you!
Karen

LQTM

Dear Julie,

I learned a new online chat acronym this week: LQTM. "Laughing Quietly To Myself." A more accurate representation of the human response to funny things seen on the interweb. When people type LOL, rarely are they laughing aloud for the whole world to hear, but merely smiling and laughing quietly to themselves."

I liked this because as they pointed out, I am rarely LOLing when I read something online. Usually I'm just smiling or laughing quietly to myself.

I heart accuracy in language.

Love,
Your Sister

All Tired, All the Time

Dear Julie,

I'm sitting in the Executive Lounge at my hotel, eatin shrumps. The way I reckon it...it's like a mini-dinner for free! But it's making me think of Bridget Jones' Diary because last night there were little finger sammiches with a toothpick in them and they were topped by mini-gherkins. Tonight there are little triangle, crustless sammiches with toothpicks in them, topped by sliced green olives. Very old-school.

I'm tired of traveling. It might be better if I actually got to go somewhere different sometimes. But I'm tired of Chicago & Kankakee all the time. I'm tired of having one, and sometimes two, unpacked bags littering my bedroom. I'm tired of travel-sized soap. I'm tired of scratchy sheets & feather pillows. I'm tired of rental cars that smell like deodorizer. I'm tired of handing out single dollar bills to doormen like they were strippers. I'm TIRED, I tell you!

Okay, I feel better now. Just needed to get that off my chest. I would like to go swimming now. (But alas, no pool at this business-class hotel...SIGH)

Grumpy,
Karen

Your Long-Lost Sister

Hey, Chicken --

It's me. Your long-lost sister. The Traveling Gnome. If we were in a soap opera, I would reappear at the most suspicious or inconvenient time possible for you. For example....I might resurface right as you were preparing for your lavish wedding to a handsome millionaire and try to steal him from you. Or....I might show up the day our inheritance is due to be parceled out, dashing your hopes of claiming everything yourself.

I just got back from Chicago today; tomorrow (Friday) I am going to your Mother's house where we shall watch Shrek III and eat Skittles at the Surf Club. I'll spend the night and then go back to Chicago on Sunday for another 4 days. See previous reference to Traveling Gnome.

I'm out of tissues. You know how I feel about running out of things. But I'm happy to report that I'm good on toilet paper.

Must watch basketball now. How's the cleaning going?

Love,
Karen

Memories

Dear Karen-

Hey...remember this??
What was I, like 3 years old, when I had this hat? Weirdly enough, it still fits.

Pardon me while I go ponder the fact that I must have had a giant melon head as a child.

Love,
Julie

You Need a Prescription For It

Dear Karen-

Remember that episode of Raymond when Ray brings up Debra's PMS and tries to help? And remember how she gets upset and yells about how it takes a prescription for a certain symptom...you know, the one the rhymes with twitchy? Yeah. That's where I was last week. One big emotional time bomb. Yikes. Thankfully, my hormones seem to have returned to their normal range and I'm a much more pleasant person to be around, I'm sure.

Last week brought yet another moment when I cursed not having a camera phone. I was sitting in the McDonald's drive-thru when I saw a truck with a trailer parked in the back of the lot. There was a whole lotta stuff in the trailer. Then I noticed the small sign on the truck:

Berwin's
Hauling - Junking - Towing
For Jesus
615-XXX-XXXX

At least they have purpose.

Love,
Julie