Hello Mortification, my old friend.

Dear Karen-

All weekend I've been pondering the syntax of the idea I want to convey. The irony is that I think each version is just as applicable as the next.

Unfortunately, I caught a mortifying glimpse of my side fat rolls while getting dressed on Friday.

I caught an unfortunately mortifying glimpse of my side fat rolls while getting dressed on Friday.

I caught a mortifying glimpse of my unfortunate side fat rolls while getting dressed on Friday.

See? Each one equally as mortifying as the next. I am the walrus.

Pardon me while I heft my enormous girth into the other room now.

Love,
The Walrus